Kiss Off (Potentially), Part Five

Dear Chelsea,

Oh Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. Let me begin by saying this isn’t an actual break up letter. This is a letter telling you we have issues. For years you have been the only late night talk show host I watch regularly. I like your decidedly non-PC humor, your writing, and the forum you give writers and comics, both on your show and on tour. You’re a good time gal and I adore you for it. (I also love Chunk.)

HOWEVER, there are some red flags that I think need addressing because I don’t want to have to end this the way I did with Heigl. My first issue is that being an Aniston sycophant is not attractive. Yes, she’s pretty and she drinks vodka like you, but she’s not so much with the acting and her movies, save a few things where she has small, supporting parts, are not good. Which brings us to the crux of my problem.

Acting is not for you. Your monologues, while funny, are frequently stiff. Actually having you play a character and recite lines . . . just no. It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just that it shouldn’t be seen by people. Stick to what you’re good at–stand up, the round table, and interviews where you talk to people you clearly can’t stand. Please?

And finally, I never thought I’d agree with Wendy Williams, but disrespecting Joan Rivers is rude and childish. The woman has paid her dues and you can make all your sex jokes and slurs in part because she battled for years in a male dominated profession. Kicking someone who helped make your career a little bit easier is classless. You don’t have to like her comedy. You don’t have to have her on your show. But for crying in the mud, show some respect or just don’t say anything at all.

I hope we can move past this.

XO

A