1. You fantasize about taking all the papers in your office and reenacting this scene from Waiting to Exhale. When reprimanded by campus security, you would also growl, “It is trash.”
2. You have a conversation like the one below at least once an hour.
3. You cannot wrap your mind around all the things you need to do. Instead you elect to spin in your chair for a good ten minutes.
4. You seriously consider taking an application for Starbucks while waiting on your morning coffee.
5. You discover a new form of cheating previously unknown to mankind.
6. You type the phrase, “There is really nothing you can do at this late date to make up for all the missing assignments” so often that your computer begins to automatically insert it when you type “There is.”
7. You can’t remember the last time you consumed something that didn’t come out of a cup or a vending machine.
8. You discover what your students have known all semester: The Norton Anthology of English Literature makes a great pillow on your desk.
9. You hang a sign on your office door that says, “Do Not Disturb (already disturbed enough).”
10. You seriously consider putting this on an exam, just to see how many students would get it wrong:
Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY