Love Letters, Part Six

Dear Ridiculous Student Questions,

While some days I consider you the bane of my small existence, when looking at the bigger picture, you bring me joy beyond measure. You remind me to teach my children respect, logic, and thinking skills. You make me marvel at the sheer audacity some people have and you remind me why education is so important. So here’s to you questions like:

“Did we do anything the day I missed class?”

(We tried, but we were too sad without you, so in the end we all wrote a poem about how we felt.)

for a literature class “You mention stories in the assignments. Do we need to read those?”

(Nah, I just like typing page numbers.)

“I need x grade (usually about 50 points higher than current grade). What can you do?”

(I can make really fun faces and recite all of the “Speak the Speech I Pray You Speech” from Hamlet.)

in an online class “I don’t have internet access. How can I do the class?”

(See if Tom Cruise can use his mind powers to help you.)

“You say you want evidence from the story. Where do I find that?”

(Check the cabbage patch.)

“How do I study for a test if I don’t know the questions and answers in advance?”

(Well, since that three page review I gave you was for lining your birdcage, I’m clueless, too.)

“Do we have to do this?”

(No, you don’t. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Marking a 0 in my gradebook is way easier than grading your paper.)

XO,

A

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